Dear Faker

Dear Faker,

Yes, I know you are faking.  I understand that you have the cops fooled as well as your family but you see, I've done this before with you, and this is not my first rodeo.  Unlike you, I know what this medical condition is supposed to look like.

Yes, I will take you to the hospital but don't expect me to show any urgency.  Unlike you, I was sound asleep when this call came and frankly I'm a bit irritated with you.  Is there any reason that you couldn't have done this 2 hours ago?  Then I could be in bed now with this call behind me.

Nope, not going to cancel medics.  For 2 reasons:  1) you have the cops all freaked out and 2) your family all upset.  If I cancel them, then it's going to look like I'm not doing my best for you.  And I'm pretty excited about them hitting you with that bill afterwards for stuff you didn't need.

Yes, I am pretty impressed that now that we are alone in the back of the rig you are keeping this up.  Must take a lot of energy and determination.  Heck, I almost envy you your little trump card.  What a perfect way to end an argument with anyone who upsets you.  I wonder how long you will hold this over their head and how screwed up they will be thinking they caused this.

Nope, not going to pay any attention to you on the ride.  My crewmates and I will talk about how we should always go to the bathroom when the thought crosses our  minds because if we don't, then we get a call.  We will even rank how bad the call is by how badly we need to pee. 

Yes, you are lucky that I am not allowed to call your bluff and have the cops arrest you.  It's what I would love to do.  Actually, I would most like to tell your family how you are lying and manipulating them.  I wonder how well that would go over. 

And yes, I will make fun of you afterwards, use you for an illustration for education and mock you on my blog.

Sincerely,

The patsy who happened to be on call

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lol