My Small Corner

Not So Random Lyrics - Baby

Tonight I shut down the youth group blog.  It was our last remaining link to the kids and formal youth ministry in general.

Baby

Her shaved head and her pierced nose,
Her big rotweillers and her tie-dyed clothes,
Her Dr. Martins with her biker tights,
Her long black leggings on a hot summer night

And nobody calls her baby,
Nobody says "I love you so,"
Nobody calls her baby,
I guess she'll never know

His working boots and flannel shirts,
His sympathies buried as deep as his hurts,
Long lonely walks with nowhere to go,
His only appointment's with a tv show

And nobody calls him baby,
Nobody says "I love you so,"
Nobody calls him baby,
I guess he'll never know

Eighty pounds, she's hardly whole,
Losing her body to gain some control,
Hours alone in some tanning salon,
Trying a smaller and smaller size on

And nobody calls her baby,
Nobody says "I love you so,"
Nobody calls her baby,
I guess she'll never know

His Pin-striped suits and wing-tipped shoes,
His lap-top computer and his Wall Street news,
He makes his plane and keeps his pace,
He hides his pain behind a poker face

And nobody calls him baby,
Nobody says, "I love you so,"
Nobody calls him baby,
I guess he'll never know

But somebody loves those babies,
Somebody loves what we can't see,
And if somebody told them maybe,
Those babies would be free

Lost and Found

Youth Ministry Flotsam

This past Saturday night was our last get-together with the youth group, and our last night in youth ministry.  I'd like to say that it was a wonderful send-off, but it was just a nice swim party.  We didn't have all of the kids, as some have had to say good-bye earlier due to summer scheduling.  They came, they swam and played, ate some chips and went home.

The kids who were graduating out of the group seemed to be flip about the whole thing, but we did see one who had disappeared for a while.  The youngest ones were the most sad, and lingered until we threw them out (gently).  One parent said thank you.  (no one from the church did).

All night I kept waiting to get sad.  The funny thing is that it didn't happen.  I just kept looking at the clock and thinking "______ more minutes to go", and it bothers me that it got to that point.  I guess that the grieving process has occurred over the last several months, and now I just wanted it to be over.

Over the last 4 weeks, I have been clearing out our cabinet at the church, emptying my "official" youth ministry bag, boxing up the books, and packing up the youth group stuff we have accumulated over the last 10 years (it is amazing how much stuff there was).  Today I cleared out the last two bags, the last of the stuff that was left over.

1. 2 Christian CDs (Mark Schultz and Lost and Found)
2. DVD of the Kozo Dancing Hippo
3. Empty 3 ring binder that has held all my paperwork for the last 3 years
4. Handful of black misc. permission forms
5. Box of transparencies, most blank, some song lyrics
6. Plastic coins from the 2005 winter retreat
7. Book of Games
8. Red yarn
9. Carmex, since I'm addicted
10. Tissues
11. 3 NERF darts
12. 1 Red marker, 1 pen and 1 pencil
13. Youth Specialties folder from the first convention we went to (1999)
14. 4 Consecutive issues of !Hero
15. The youth ministry bag I have used for all 10 years.  It is a flight safety training bag my brother got (he is a pilot).  It is a great, sturdy, canvas bag, and I thought that the "flight safety training" logo really worked as a theme for youth ministry in general.

Small Irony Rant

After we bought the truck, we realized that for youth ministry purposes, it would have been better to have a minivan.  You can haul larger amounts of kids around - you don't need as many drivers.  Then we started adding carseats which, any parent knows, are a pain to take in and out (until booster age).  That really limited the number of kids we could haul.  Then we went to a church that had a van.  Well, a crappy van, but a van.  Great for hauling larger number of kids, but what about those nights when you have 4 or 5 kids?  The 15 passenger van seems a bit overkill.

When we started the youth group blog for the jr high, I wanted a calendar feature.  Something where you could list upcoming events that you recommended, with links for more information.  Typepad didn't have that and it was very frustrating.

Now we are leaving youth ministry.  Guess what?  We are now looking at buying a minivan.  And Typepad has added a calendar feature.  (10 bucks says Bill figures out how to incorporate it into his blog first)  That ticks me off, as only irony can.

A Youth Ministry Weekend

It has been a wacky weekend.  We wanted to take the youth group to a movie, but most of our kids had other things going on, so we didn't have youth group.  I spent some time instead, at our church softball game talking to the teen-aged players about things that were going on in their lives.

We went to the emergent service at the local mega-church and and ended up playing greeter for a couple who were bringing their nephew to try out the service.  I had a longish talk with one of the kids who left the sr high youth group (there are quite a few of those).  Turns out she has been diagnosed with cancer (thyroid) and will be having surgery in about a month.  Good news, it is not an aggressive form, and the surgery will take care of the entire problem, she will just have to take a pill every day for the rest of her life.  She has such a positive attitude about it, if you are going to have cancer, this is the kind to have.  This will also cure her on-going tiredness and inability to focus.

She wanted to know how youth group was going, and we had to tell her that we had resigned.  Again, good news, she said that she could completely understand and would do the same in our position.

On Saturday afternoon, while calling the kids to see who would be interested in a movie, I ended up having a long conversation with one of the parents.  She is the mother of a family that we have had in our ministry for 7 years.  Her boys have decided that our last day of youth ministry is also theirs.  They have no desire to be part of the sr high as it is now, the Youth Pastor just lectures for 2 hours straight, and they don't really want to go start over somewhere else.  This was really hard to hear, because these are the kids I worry about the most.  Most of our kids come from really good, Christian homes and/or also go to another youth group.  These boys both have learning disabilities and are from a non-Christian home (they list themselves as Catholic but don't really practice anything).  We have seen them grow so much over the last couple of years and they even are willing to read the Bible out-loud (a big deal with their LDs). 

The eldest daughter came home from the sr. high group a few weeks ago in tears because the new youth pastor went off on a thing about Catholics not being Christians and that they go to hell.  Catholics can't go to heaven.  She now refuses to go back, and the family tries to schedule things on youth group nights so she has an excuse to give her friend for not going.  The downside is that the younger boys end up not going as well.  We have been gently working on this family for years, and it feels like it has all been undone. 

The mother did go so far as to call the Sr. Pastor to complain, but the YP denied having said anything and the SP backed him up.  How do you respond to that?  I apologized to the mother on the ministry's behalf, but it didn't seem to do much good.  The YP has done this to us a few times (said something then denied it) and has done it to others but no one seems to be able to come to the conclusion that once didn't happen, twice makes you go hmmm, and 3 or 4 times should indicate a serious problem with the YP.

So I spent a good amount of time on the phone with the mother trying to suggest other youth ministry programs and offering to go with the kids so they would have someone with them that they knew.  We will have to see.  She said that after July, none of her kids will be returning to youth group and that she is going to tell the Sr. Pastor and the Youth Pastor this, to their face, and will tell them why.  For this I give her a lot of credit, because I have had at least 2 or 3 other people come to me over the last week and tell me how unhappy they were with the changes at the church but no one will complain out loud about it.  I don't tolerate it, and have told them that if they aren't going to say something to the SP, don't bother telling it to me, because if you shut up and put up with it, then you deserve it.

That sounds really harsh doesn't it?  The SP and the YP keep saying that everyone is happy and that nothing has changed.  But we went from compline to snake handling in just the music style alone.  (We keep telling ourselves that we got spoiled)

I just have to keep reminding myself that this is why we are leaving, I don't and can't do ministry this way.  So we had a weekend with no youth group, but a lot of youth ministry, and 8 weeks to go.

What Movie Will You Be Seeing This Weekend?

We've been kicking around the idea of taking the youth group to see "Over the Hedge" this weekend.  I like the idea of the Other-cott that is spreading.  Isn't that how this country votes - with their wallets?  At first it seemed cheesy, but isn't that better than arguing against the other big movie coming out?  A regular boycott, an on-line rant against a movie, posting signs in protest, these are all are negative actions.  As Christians, maybe it's time we do something positive.  Besides, I think that we are giving hollywood a big hand in its promotion.

There is no such thing as bad publicity except your own obituary.

Bredan Behan

The Devil Went Out To California

He was lookin' for a soul to steal
He was in a bind
'Cause he was way behind
And he was willin' to make a deal.

Zondervan has purchased Youth Specialties

Signs You are Leaving Youth Ministry

You find yourself telling the senior in high school (sitting on your couch) that if they can't afford housing while going to an inner-city college - that they should just crash at a crack house.  There was a context.  Really.

It's Official

Well, we officially handed in our resignation from youth ministry last night.  We were total chickens and just put them in the mail slots.  One board member was handed his in person.  We had a small group meeting last night, so we really didn't break the news to the whole group.  I guess that will happen slowly over the next week or so.

The pastor already came to us this morning to say that he wants to talk.  I'm not sure what about, this shouldn't be a surprise.  We have made several of the problems very clear over the last year.  It isn't like we are picking up our toys and going home.  There isn't anything that can be done at this point, and we don't have any intention of explaining all of our reasons, again.  The bottom line is that we have prayed about this, talked about this, thought about this, and have come to the conclusion that sometimes God says no.  Even when we don't like it.  Youth Ministry is not something that husband and I can continue at this point in our lives, in this youth ministry team, at this church, at this time.

All of that being said, this is one of the hardest things we have had to do.  We love the kids, we love youth ministry and we love the jr high team.  It was very sad to hand out those letters, and it was very distracting to be in church this morning like nothing had changed.  I guess we are still in the middle of the grief process - we swing from sadness to anger to acceptance on a daily basis, or maybe hourly.

After 10 years, I'm not sure what we will do with ourselves after July 15.

To Mrs. Sensei

We had a pretty good night at youth group.  We are working our way through Acts, and covered the second half of chapter 9.  The lesson spend some time on death, and when Peter raises Tabitha, a disciple who was always doing good and helping the poor.  It was a little hard to go through with the lesson.

One of the kids brought me an obit for Eldest Child's karate instructor's wife, Rose Lilla Porta.  She was a sweet, gentle woman, with whom I would sit and chat with during lessons.  Always with a smile, and always with something positive to say, which was so helpful during a point in time when we were dealing with some behavior issues with EC.  She always greeted you as the warmest of friends.  While, as Christians, we don't need to fear death, it is so sad when someones work is considered done, and they are called home by God.  I am sorry that no one else here on earth with have the blessing of meeting her.

"God gave us our memories so that we might have roses in December."  J. M. Barrie

Lies, Legends and Cherished Myths

Went to a congregation meeting last night. As usual, a generally boring affair.  Programs are good, we need money, how much of a raise should we give the staff.

Our winter retreat was last weekend, and the Sr. Pastor asked me before the meeting how many kids did we have?  In front of him and the Sr. High chaperone, I said that the Jr. high had 8 or 9 (actually 9) and the Sr. high had 8 or 9, not counting the YP's kids (actually 11).

During the meeting, the youth ministry budget was raised.  Significantly.  Because the group is growing.  Growing?  The Sr. high is down 10 to 12 kids over last year, and down 15 since September.  (and that doesn't take into account that some of the kids attending are in college)  It was mentioned 3 or 4 times throughout the meeting that the youth group was growing.  I've had some ideas as to where this was coming from, but nothing prepared me for what happened at the end.

The last report given was from the YP, who, when asked how many kids went on the retreat said "30".  30!?!  We had 20 kids and 6 adults, altogether not 30 people total.  He said this in front of 2 of the 3 Jr. leaders, the Sr. high chaperone, the Sr. pastor (whom I had already given the correct numbers to) and a few of the kids as well as their parents.  No one said a word.

The worst thing is that I am not even angry.  I am just sad.  I feel conflicted about what I should have done.  Should I have stood up and pointed my finger and yelled "liar!"?  Should I have corrected the board members?  Made an appointment with the YP or the SP?

The bottom line is that I don't want any kind of confrontation with the YP, and the SP isn't very helpful in these kinds of situations.  The last time I brought it to the YP's attention that he had lied, he turned the issue into why the lie upset me instead of the actual lie.  (please note, he didn't deny the lie)  My big question is do I (or husband) have any responsibility to do anything at this point?  We brought the correct info to the SP.  Do we need to follow up on it?  Why or why not?  If you see my post from yesterday, you might understand that at this point, I just don't care that much anymore, but if that was entirely true, I wouldn't be blogging about it.  Would I?